“My ex hasn’t called me! What should I do?”
It’s a common question. Getting back in touch with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend is a necessary part of reversing your break up and a major step on the road to reconciliation. At the same time however, it’s also one of the trickiest steps in the entire process. If you make too much contact, or do it too quickly, you could find that you’re inadvertently pushing your ex in the opposite direction. But wait too long, and your ex could start dating someone new. It’s a tough balance of patience and action, and even the most experienced people need help with it.
Getting your ex to make contact with you is the best way of re-opening the lines of communication. The methods you use to accomplish something like this are actually pretty easy, once you know what they are. But before you even take this step, you need to do something else first, and it’s one of the opening moves when it comes to getting back your boyfriend or girlfriend after a break up: withdraw for a while, and break all communication.
That’s right – the best results you’ll get in re-connecting with your ex will happen once you’ve broken contact for a while. By leaving your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend alone, you’re giving them time to think about and miss you. When someone dumps you, the first thing they want is a little space – and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The problem is that most people who get dumped aren’t usually willing to give that space… they believe that they can still talk their ex out of breaking up with them, and this destroys their chances.
If you’re a little (or a lot) guilty of this, you may have already done things like excessively call your ex, drive by their home or job, send them long notes or even leave them flowers. You’ve sent emails… text messages… you’ve done whatever you thought was necessary to make your ex see that you love them. In reality though, most of what you did was for your own benefit: you did it because it made you feel better. You really didn’t take your ex girlfriend’s or ex boyfriend’s feelings or needs into consideration at all, because you were too overwhelmed with the desperate need for contact.
At this point, you’re sitting around wondering “why my ex hasn’t called me?” when the answer is pretty simple: it’s because your ex doesn’t miss you yet. Once he or she is left alone for a while, and has a few weeks to process the break up, they’ll usually find out very quickly that they need you a lot more than they thought they did. Not hearing from you will send your ex into panic mode, and they’ll start fearing the worst. Did you move on without them? Are you over the break up? Have you found someone else? All of these fears will materialize in your ex boyfriend or girlfriend’s mind, giving them the overwhelming need to know exactly what you’re doing. And since you haven’t spoken to them in any capacity at all? This is when your ex will call you.
“Are there other ways of communicating with them? How can I get my ex to make contact?”
Contact ex boyfriend or girlfriend etiquette requires you to leave your ex alone for a while immediately after the relationship ends. But once enough time has passed? There are several good techniques you can use to get your ex to initiate contact again. Some of the easiest and most common ideas can be found below:
* The “I Found Your Stuff” Call – Find something that belongs to your ex that he or she left at your house, and call them offering to return it (or have them pick it up). To get your ex to call you back, make the call when you know he or she won’t be home, and leave a message. If you’ve broken contact for a while, they’ll already be curious to talk to you again, guaranteeing a callback. Make sure the thing you’re calling about is significant though, and not something small like a hairbrush or music CD.
* The “How’s Mom Doing?” Call – If you dated your ex for a while and got close to his or her family, it’s always nice to ask about how they’re doing. Especially in the case where your ex has relatives in the hospital, about to undergo surgery, a brother or sister about to head off to college for the first time… you can use these excuses to make a phone call asking “Hey, how’s your dad been doing?” or whatever the case may be. Since you haven’t called in weeks your ex boyfriend or girlfriend won’t immediately suspect you have ulterior motives, and will even think it’s sweet that you called to check up on his or her relative.
* The “Congratulations!” Call – Another good way to get your ex to make contact: call to congratulate them on something. Maybe it’s your ex’s birthday, he or she got promoted, graduated from school, or received some other kind of award or accolade during the time you’ve been broken up. This is a great excuse to call and wish them well. Again, doing it he or she is not home will always get your ex to phone you back, which is the best-case situation.
There are many other excellent ideas for getting your ex boyfriend or girlfriend to make first contact with you again, but knowing what to do when he or she calls is even more important. When that call comes you need a step by step plan of action. Instead of sitting around wondering why hasn’t my ex called me, you need to prepare for the moment when they finally do call. Knowing exactly what you’re going to say and exactly how to handle the conversation are two crucial parts of getting back on the path to fixing your breakup.
If you want your ex back, you need to get them to make contact. Communication plays a critical role in any reconciliation. Know your next move, and don’t be afraid to make it. Only be being proactive can you work toward your ultimate goal: putting your ex back in your arms again.